


I Missed Having You in My Arms

by actualbabe



Category: New Girl
Genre: Angst, Breakup Sex, Cruise AU, F/M, Prompt Fill, Sooo Much Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 18:18:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13393530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actualbabe/pseuds/actualbabe
Summary: Nick sighs. It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Just him, Jess, and the sea to celebrate the anniversary of paradise Nick and Jess. Now he’ll be stuck on a boat using the all-inclusive bar to drink away the pain of their recent breakup. But hey, they’re Nick and Jess. They’ll make it work. They’re like the king and queen of getting into awkward and uncomfortable situations. What could go wrong?Cruise AU where the rest of the gang doesn't tag along.





	I Missed Having You in My Arms

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jakeyjohnson](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=jakeyjohnson).



> @jakeyjohnson on tumblr wanted ness angst and who am I to deny her

“We can’t get our money back.”

Nick looks up from his bowl of cereal. Jess is standing in the entrance to the kitchen with her phone clenched tight in her hand. There’s a small pout on her lips and her eyes are a little red, a tiny smudge of black underneath the right one. Lately she always looks like she’s been crying a little bit, even though she tries to cover it up. It causes a stab of guilt into his chest every time he notices. _He_ did that. And there’s nothing he can do about it.

“We can’t?”

Jess shakes her head. “Completely non-refundable.”

He sighs. It had seemed like a good idea at the time. Just him, Jess, and the sea to celebrate the anniversary of paradise Nick and Jess. Now he’ll be stuck on a boat using the all-inclusive bar to drink away the pain of their recent breakup. “Well, I guess we’re going, then.”

“Yep,” she pops the _p_ with a slightly forced grin. “It’ll be fun.”

“Yeah.” He plasters on a fake smile to match hers.

They’re Nick and Jess. They’ll make it work. They’re like the king and queen of getting into awkward and uncomfortable situations. What could go wrong?

\---

The Grand Romance Package TM is ridiculously expensive, and Nick curses his past drunken self from getting them into this shitty situation. Because now he’s committed to an array of overtly sexualized activities with his former girlfriend that he’s still half in love with. They manage to get through it by razzing each other the whole time, making jokes to keep the tension between them to a minimum. It’s easy to fall back into their usual banter, the quick back and forth as they poke fun at genital breathing during their yoga class and the vaginal-esque towel swans they attempt to fold.

By the end of the day he finally feels like things between them are sorta back to normal. Jess is giggling at his jokes and the trace of sadness that’s been lingering in her features for the past month is finally gone. He’s pleasantly buzzed from all the wine and Jess is smiling sweetly at him, the combination making his mouth dry and his chest light.

He laughs, but he’s not quite sure at what. Jess giggles back, shrugging her shoulders slightly. Nick brushes some nonexistent dust off her jacket, just for a reason to touch her. She drifts towards him and Nick thinks _fuck it_ and leans in to kiss her.

There’s a half second where Jess seems ready to kiss him back. But then Nick’s mouth lands on the side of her cheek when she jerks away at the last minute. He pulls away as she breaks off the tension with a series of aggressively friends-only phrases.

 _You dumbass_ , he thinks to himself as he sits there, cursing his idiotic thinking processes and trying to come up with the right way to play this off as no big deal. “Well that was a mistake.”

Jess seems to buy it, and they have an incredibly uncomfortable exchange before going their separate ways.

\---

Nick gets back to the room late that night, riding a pretty strong buzz and ready to pass out and not think about everything he managed to fuck up today. It takes him a few tries to get his keycard into the door, but he finally manages to get the door open. He stumbles inside, haphazardly tossing his hoodie and wallet somewhere in the direction of his suitcase and flips on the light.

Jess is already in bed and sits up suddenly when she realizes the lights are on. “Oh,” she says, blearly blinking awake. “You’re back.”

He stares at her for a long moment, trying to remember what he’d practiced at the bar. “I’m back,” he says lamely, taking another step towards the bed.

The king sized bed.

The _single_ king sized bed.

Right. Lovers’ suite. One bed. No refund. The puzzle pieces slowly click into place and Nick groans. It’s like he stumbled into one of those trashy romance novels Jess secretly loves.

He grabs his sweatpants and a shirt out of his suitcase and retreats to the bathroom where he buy some time to figure out what to do next. He changes, takes a piss, and brushes his teeth as slowly as he possibly can, hoping to have come up with a brilliant idea by the time he’s done. Nick stares himself down in the mirror and tries to focus up. At this point he’s lost whatever slight high he’d had when he came back to their suite, and regrets turning down the last call at the bar.

Nick pinches the bridge of his nose and takes a deep breath in before letting it out all in one big whoosh. He gives himself a quick slap on the cheek and heads out into the main room of their cabin, half hoping that Jess has already fallen asleep.

Unfortunately for him, Jess is awake, scrolling through something on her phone, the screen lighting up her glasses in the darkened room. Nick clears his throat awkwardly. “So, uh. I’m gonna sleep in the bathtub, I think.”

“Oh,” Jess looks up at him, her eyebrows scrunched up in confusion. “You don’t have to do that-”

Nick grabs one of the pillows from the right side of the bed. “Well I’m not gonna make you sleep on the floor. It’s fine.”

“No, Nick...”

He stares at her, holding his breath and half-convinced that this is all a dream. He’s passed out in the casino bar and the bartender didn’t even have the decency to kick him out before he closed up. Jess sucks her lower lip in between her teeth and Nick feels like he’s in a daze.

“Stay,” she whispers, her fingers brushing over his wrist. “There’s plenty of room.”

He doesn’t feel drunk, but he must be, because instead of insisting on giving her the bed he pulls the covers back and slides into the empty space beside her. It’s because Schmidt’s not here, and he makes up nearly all of Nick’s impulse control. Jess shuts off her phone and sets it on the bedside table along with her glasses as Nick settles underneath the covers. He lies back and stares up at the ceiling, blinking until his eyes adjust to the darkness.

_Okay you clown. It’s no big deal. You two shared a bed for almost a year. You can handle it for one night. Platonically._

It’s familiar in the worst way, to be on his side of the bed with Jess lying next to him and the soft sound of her breathing echoing in his ears. Every part of Nick wants to roll over and pull her against him, wants to feel her weight in his arms and smell her shampoo when her hair tickles his nose. There’s only a few inches separating them and yet it feels like they’re miles apart. It makes Nick’s chest ache, a visceral pain that’s been clawing at him ever since he lost her.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you.” _Tonight on the deck. At Cece’s disaster of a wedding. Back when you were still dating Sam._

“I wanted you to,” Jess whispers into the darkness. “I should’ve let you.”

 _“Jess,”_ Nick hisses through gritted teeth. He can’t do this to himself. He can’t blindly hold out hope for a relationship that will never work out. He can’t let Jess be another Caroline. He _can’t._

Her hand brushes up against his underneath the covers. Nick closes his eyes and lets out a long sigh, but he doesn’t pull away from her. He knows he should stop this. What they’re doing is only going to make things worse in the long run. He can’t keep stringing his heart along like this. But he can’t fight it. Nick laces their fingers together and runs his thumb over the curve of her palm, reveling in the feel of her skin against his after avoiding her touch for so long.

The mattress dips as Jess shifts her weight to lie on her side. Her lips are soft as they press against Nick’s cheek, the light touch searing his skin. He inhales sharply and clenches his jaw. He _can’t_.

_“Jess...”_

“I miss you,” she whispers into his ear.

“I miss you too,” he confesses and tightens his grip on her fingers. “That’s why we can’t.”

“It won’t change anything.” Her voice is soft, barely audible over the sound of his pounding heart. “It’s just the grand romance package. Then we can go back to normal.”

Nick turns his head towards her. Jess’ big blue eyes sparkle in the dim light of the cabin, that glimmer of sadness returned in full force. He knows this is a bad idea, knows that this will ruin the precarious friendship they’ve built up, knows that they’ll only end up hurting each other even more.

He doesn’t care.

The taste of Jess’ lips against his own fills him with this exhilarating rush that’s nearly second nature but at the same time brand new. He traces the curve of her jaw with his fingers, moving his mouth slow and smooth against hers the way she always liked. Her breath hitches when he runs his tongue over her lower lip and the sound rings in Nick’s ears. It’s reminiscent of the first time they kissed, two mirroring kisses that are the bookends of their relationship, poetic in a way that Nick could almost appreciate if it didn’t feel like the end of an era.

He makes love to her knowing that this is the last time he ever will. He takes his time to commit her to his memory, runs his hands over every curve of muscle, tastes every smooth expanse of skin, listens to every gasp and moan, breathes in the smell of her perfume and sweat until she’s clouding all of his senses. She goes pliant in his arms, shivers at his touch and whispers his name breathlessly as she caresses him in return. Her fingertips leave red hot trails behind them, stoking that fire deep in his stomach until he feels like he might combust.

It’s too much and it’s not enough. It leaves him aching and wanting for everything she’s willing to give him, for everything he doesn’t deserve. It’s what he’s been longing for since he first saw her and he wants nothing more than for this moment to last forever, to never let her slip out of his reach, his bed, his life.

Jess is slick against his fingers as he teases her clit before sliding one digit inside her. She gasps and arches into him, her hands flexing against his shoulders. Nick presses his face into her neck and focuses on the feel of her underneath him, determined to make this moment one that will linger in the back of his mind even after she’s moved on to better things, after she’s gotten over her Nick Miller phase and finds her husband.

 _“Nick,_ ” she gasps as he slips another finger inside. He bites down on the skin over her clavicle and presses his thumb firmly against her clit. Jess lets out another high pitched cry and threads her fingers into his hair, her nails gently scratching against his scalp. Nick ducks his head down to her chest, teasing her nipple with his teeth and tongue until she comes apart around his fingers.

She yanks him back up to kiss him, frantic and inelegant as she wraps her hand around his dick and strokes him. _“Jess,”_ he groans against her mouth and involuntarily thrusts into her grip. It’s too fast, it’ll be over too soon and this is all he has. But she feels so good and he wants her so desperately that he just can’t help it.

He finally sinks into her and it’s so much that it completely overwhelms him. Nick hides his face in the curve of her shoulder so she won’t see the tears watering in his eyes. Jess’ hand is still tangled up in the hair at the nape of his neck, the other aimlessly tracing swirls over the small of his back. He pulls himself together and rocks his hips against hers. She lets out a faint gasp and tightens her grip in his hair, arching her pelvis up to meet him on the next thrust.

Jess clings to him as he fucks her slow and sweet. She whispers his name over and over, occasionally caught up with a gasp or moan, setting Nick’s body on fire as he tightens his grip on her hips and kisses the soft skin underneath her jaw. He bites down on his lower lip, almost hard enough to draw blood, because he doesn’t trust himself to not say something stupid like _I love you_.

Nick comes with a groan and Jess tumbles over the edge after him, her thighs clenched tight around his hips and her nails digging into the muscles of his shoulders.

He falls on top of her, their skin slick with sweat as they press up against each other. Jess stares up at the ceiling, playing absentmindedly with his hair. He want to lie here with her forever. She presses a kiss to his temple and that ache in Nick’s chest returns, even worse than before. He needs to pull away, he knows he should. But he’s selfish and he wants this moment to last as long as possible.

Eventually he rolls off of her and lands back on his side of the mattress. Jess slides out of bed and heads to the bathroom, leaving Nick alone in the dark. He scrubs a hand over his face and then reluctantly pulls his clothes back on. Nick curls up on his side of the bed and waits for Jess to come back from the bathroom.

There’s the distant flush of the toilet and then Jess emerges. She gets dressed in her pajama outfit and carefully crawls underneath the covers, lying all the way on the far edge of the bed with her back to him.

 _It doesn’t change anything_.

\---

They don’t talk about it at breakfast, or later that night when they return home to the loft.

It doesn’t change anything.

\---

Nick goes back to pretending like everything’s fine between them, like he’s not miserable without Jess in his life. He brushes off everything that happened between them, like it was all one big joke and not the best months of his life. He shoves all his feelings for Jess into a box and shoves it into the back of his closet with all his other problems and the things he doesn’t want to think about. Jess dates other guys and he fucks other women and it’s fine.

It’s not like he’s still in love with her or anything.

\---

He is.

**Author's Note:**

> check me out on [tumblr!](http://actualbabe.tumblr.com/)


End file.
